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Wow! Life must be very busy because we haven’t updated thegirards.com in a lonnnnnng time. I will try to catch you all up on some of the highlights (and low-lights) as of late…

– We are moving to Montreal! Très excitant! Rob has just accepted a great job with Maples FS as their Infrastructure Architect and will start in mid-April. While he is sad to be leaving the World Wildlife Fund — it is such a great working environment with so many great people, and such a great cause! — this is a global opportunity that promises lots of challenge and growth, and we’re ready for the new adventure. We will miss our friends, our neighbours, our home… but we are looking forward to the new people, culture, experiences (et les compétences linguistiques!) that Montreal will offer.

Hanging with Dad

– Alice is already 10 months old! Everyday, she seems a little bit less of a baby and more and more like a little girl. 🙂 She now has a second tooth, crawls, and walks around — as long as she has something to hold onto! Funny — as long as she has both of my hands to hold onto, she almost runs… but if I let go with one hand, she seems to think her feet won’t move anymore. It’s just a matter of a little more confidence, I guess! She has been discovering a love of books, and usually falls asleep cuddling with one. Like her dad, she also loves computers and gadgets — although she did manage to short out our laptop by drooling on the keyboard while playing with kneebouncers.com… oopsy!

At the Spaghetti Factory

– In sad news, we lost our beloved Sally recently. We will remember her fondly as our “Marley & Me” dog… She was a wonderful girl, full of love and sweetness, but also such a little terror!! I’ve never before met a dog who could break into a bank vault just to get to an old cheerio. 🙂 What started off as a bladder infection that we just couldn’t seem to get rid of, turned into something with her kidneys that made her very sick and in pain, unwilling to even eat… and, for those of you who know Sally, that’s a bad, bad sign. When we realized that she wasn’t even able to take medication for pain without vomiting, we knew it was time to let her go. She passed away very peacefully in Rob’s arms, and will be remembered always with love. Rest in peace, Sally… we miss you! <3

Our beloved Sally...

– I was featured on an MTV Impact segment for “Let’s Talk,” Bell’s Mental Health Day! Here is the video, which MTV has now posted on YouTube. I’ll be adding it to my website soon, which I’ve also updated recently. As always, thank you all for your support and enthusiasm! I’ve been doing a lot more speeches lately, which is great. This week, I was at Convenant House in downtown Toronto, doing a presentation to homeless youth (many with mental health issues). I feel so incredibly blessed to be able to deliver my message: I have a great family. I have great friends. I have a great resume and a great career. I have a great past and a great future. I have great health, and I am a “totally sane crazy person”! I love being able to pass on these messages of hope and ‘normality’… 🙂

– Rob is officially a VCAP!! That stands for “VMware Certified Advanced Professional,” and essentially means that he is one of the geekiest-geeks alive!! He is the 137th person in the world to achieve this designation. He worked very hard, learned a lot, studied a lot… and I’m very, very proud of him. Congrats, sweetie. xo!

– Jackie (my younger sister) spent a couple of weeks with us in Toronto! It was great to have her here… Miss you already, Jack. Thank you for making the trip!

The next few months promise to be just as busy as usual, or busier! Let’s try to find time to connect, though. Love you all!!

I LOVE Ontario Early Years Centers. These are places where moms/dads/grandparents/imported-nannies-who-get-paid-terribly-but-seem-neat-o can take the kids in their care to play, sing, read, and interact with the world. They’re free, in the I-pay-taxes sort of way, and they typically have once- or twice-weekly programs specifically for kids younger than one. I shied away from them at first, mainly due to some circuitous and somewhat contradictory logic. The Beach, you see, is a rather wealthy neighbourhood. The moms I saw out and about were on their way to “Belly Bootcamp” exercise classes — to banish their already non-existent pregnancy tummies — pushing designer strollers worth more than my car and looking exquisite. These moms not only washed their hair, they styled it. They not only got out of their pajamas, they put on clean, matching clothes and accessorized. ACCESSORIZED! They wore makeup and had manicures and their children wore a brand new outfit every day. I did not wish to interact with these people. They would judge me; I would feel ashamed. Alice would feel my shame and turn to drugs, or cookies with preservatives. It just didn’t seem worth it. I also thought, however, that none of these moms would be at the OEYC, because (BECAUSE!) it is a free resource. Nay, if I went to the OEYC, I would be surrounded by the poor moms, the destitute moms whose sad babies desperately eyed Alice’s round tummy and stared wonderingly at my flat chest. We would talk about how the moms’ jobs — all three jobs, per mom — where they hide their babies down their pants to avoid paying for childcare and steal toilet paper from Wal-mart washrooms, and I would feel ashamed of our near-designer stroller and in-house laundry. Alice would feel my shame. Our choose-your-own-adventure story once again leads to drugs and Oreos. Egad.

Alas, at the urging of my treatment team, we finally went, and it was fabulous. The moms in The Beach OEYC were awesome — friendly and polite, accepting and funny, and our children exchanged cooties whilst alternately poking each other in the eyes and kissing. I learned that I was doing all right, mom-wise. I learned that Alice could benefit from a bit more time on her tummy, but that she was a pretty awesome sleeper. I had some coleslaw and life was good.

Today, Alice and I went to our new OEYC, in our new neighbourhood. The demographic here is decidedly less wealthy, but the programming at the OEYC was even better. A librarian from the Toronto Public Library came in and talked with us a bit about literacy, and we sang songs and read books together. Then, there was painting! With infants! It was messy and begged for generous artistic license, and an adorable little boy with long brown hair and unsure steps ate a lot of the blue paint (but it was okay, because Alice and I were SO done with the blue by then), and next week when I bathe Alice, I’m sure she’ll return to a mostly normal colour again.

And, most of the moms were friendly and polite, accepting and funny.

The exceptions to this rule were Lame Social Skills Mom and Queen Mama.

Me, to LSS Mom: Hi! This is Alice, and I’m Kim. <smile>

LSS: Oh. Hi. <awkward pause as she fails to introduce herself>

Me:  <smile> How old is… uh… your little one?

LSS: Five and a half months. <silence>

And then she took the toy Alice was playing with and gave it to her kid. I congratulated Alice on her great sharing skills, and found a way to move us to the other side of the play rug. If LSS was offended… uh, I don’t care.

And then there was Queen Mama. She was LOUD and very keen to share. She changed her daughter’s outfit three (THREE!) times during the hour we shared. She stared at me, horrified, when Alice spit up on herself and I proudly wiped at her face and shirt with an already semi-soiled bib hanging from our diaper bag, and left  her puke-stained shirt on. We heard about her crisis at home, as she has just discovered her baby has been sucking on her crib rails and thus will probably evaporate soon. And her baby wasn’t allowed to paint. 🙁 And you know what? I’m so glad she was there. She reminded me that there are 1,000,000 ways to raise your baby, and they’re all right, if they’re done with love.

I can’t wait to go back.

This post is a quick one. Using my iPhone, I’ve captured a few shots of my favorite girl that I’d like to share. The quality isn’t great — it’s a phone, afterall, not a camera — but they’re just so darn cute.

Opa & Grandma: the shots of Alice in the fuzzy pink outfit and raingear are especially for you. Alice will be putting these to good use at the Nutshell this weekend!

Sally had an accident in the house today, and we’re out of paper towels. Here’s a snippet of the resulting exchange between myself and the man that I love:

“Why are we out of paper towels?” asks Rob.
“Because I used them all, honey,” I reply.
“But why didn’t we get more?” asks Rob.
<pause>
“Ah. Well, darling, that’s because I’m lazy.” Big smiles from Kim.

Anyway, I mopped up the spill with a couple of Alice’s cloth diapers. They’re incredibly absorbent and someone else cleans them. I love our diaper service even more, all of a sudden. 🙂

In other news, Alice is gigantic, in the cute and healthy way. She’s asleep in her crib right now, wearing a super-soft pink-with-polar-bears patterned fleece sleeper with polar bear heads on the feet. I’m a bad parent because I totally just tiptoed into her room, turned the light on, and snapped a picture of her… with flash. <grimace> And then I took another one because I didn’t like the way the first one turned out. Ha ha. 🙂

Alice in Polar Bear PJs

The significance of the sleeper, though, is that it is for babies 6-9 months old. Alice fits not into this range, but fits nicely into the sleeper: she’s 4 1/2 months old, and 16 1/2 lbs. Nicely grown, team. Earlier this week, I went to an “Ontario Early Years” center for an infant play group called “Infant Acttion” (aka “Infant I-Can’t-Spell-Action” or “Put Your Baby on a Mat with Toys and Talk to the Other Moms about Drool, Poop and Rolling Over”) (ooh, side note! Alice has started rolling from her tummy to her back all on her own!), and there was a 13 month old baby girl there who weighs 15 lbs. I joked with her mom that I’ll bring in Alice’s hand-me-downs next time. (Admittedly, that little girl was born three months premature, but STILL).

In other news, we gave our landlord notice tonight that we’ll be moving out at the end of September. We don’t know specifically where we’re going yet, but we’re determined to get a place with a yard (for both Alice and Sally’s sakes) amongst other features. I’d really like this next place to be the one we live in until we make the big, permanent move up to the Nutshell.

And, for my next trick, a few pictures. Oddly, I don’t think I got any pictures of Jackie or AJ meeting Alice. Oops. <sigh>

Confession: I am pretty darn proud of myself for having gone camping with Alice at eight weeks old. Seven weeks prior, when we brought her home, I struggled to wrap my head around how to take care of her, despite being surrounded by the conveniences of a modern home — electricity, microwave, baby monitor, etc. Less than two months later? We’re hanging out in an old motorhome with no heat (by night) and no cooling (by day), and bugs and mouse poop and a sack of cloth diapers making the outhouse smell even better. Good work, team!

It’s also safe to say that any of the baby blues I was dealing with have gone on their merry way — thankfully. That was ROUGH. I’d lie in my bed, staring at nothing and crying intermittently, while other people took care of the spawn I wasn’t sure I really wanted, wondering if those same people and spawn really wanted me. 🙁 Good news — we all really want and like (dare I say LOVE? 😉 each other. I am amazed by Alice and spend too much time staring at her. She is growing so quickly, I can probably see the changes if I stare long enough. At her last doctor’s appointment, she’d hit 11 lbs 2 oz (and was 6 lbs 11 oz at birth). Holy crap. Some of her clothes, that she swam in, no longer fit her. I know that those of you who are parents are laughing at me and those who aren’t probably don’t care :-), but it’s incredible. Really. She’s slowly becoming more interactive, too. When we smile and giggle at her, she’ll often smile and giggle back. She has taken to batting at things in front of her, instead of just flailing her arms aimlessly… okay, in addition to flailing her arms aimlessly. Her noises are more varied. It’s neat-o.

Oh – and for those of you anxiously awaiting the results of the formula switches, we’ve got her back to the original mix. Gas isn’t as bad, probably just because she’s older, and we give her Ovol drops when she’s struggling. The lactose-free formula made her poop uber-hard and dense. (You’re welcome).

A picture to leave you with, below. The cats are warming up to Ali a little bit; this is her nestled in my bed, with Jackson and Bonobo coming to say hi and risk getting their fur yanked. 🙂

much love –
Kim

AliCats

Whenever we pick up Alice from a nap, we a guaranteed a little burst of ‘sunshine’… a smelly little toot or two that she’s been saving up for us. Alice, actually, farts a LOT, and yet not enough. She gets so much gas that her tiny little belly gets all bloated and hard, and she cries. Loudly. In a way, these stinky little messengers are helpful; when they REALLY start to smell like she’s crapping her pants, it means she’s about to do just that. Handy, huh? Sadly (happily?), Alice has only been evacuating her bowels once a day, or less. 🙁 While our pediatrician assures us that none of this will stop our little girl from being wildly successful in life, it’s probably hurting her a bit, and, frankly, I can’t imagine it will make her any little friends at the park, either. So, we’re trying two new sample formulas. The first has reduced lactose and partially-broken down proteins; preliminary results indicate that this gives Alice a) no relief and b) runny poop. <sigh> The second sample is completely lactose-free. We’ll keep you posted on how things turn out and/or come out (and I’m sure you’re delighted about that). 🙂

When it comes to formula, it seems that I’ve been lucky I haven’t killed Alice yet, or at least caused her leg to rot off or something. Example? I heard from a public health nurse that we have to mix the powder while the water is at near-boiling temperatures in order to sterilize the powder, which does not/cannot come sterilized from the formula factory. As such, I’ve been burning off my fingerprints trying to spare Alice disease… only to find out earlier today that the water should be at room temperature for mixing, as having it too warm will deteriorate some of the nutrients or some friggin’ thing. Next? I was told that we could feed Alice pre-made formula up to 24 hours old so long as she (or any hungry bystander) hasn’t actually had the nipple in her/his mouth (which triggers the end of the sterilization). So, for our roadtrip to Windsor, we keep a couple of bottles in the car at room temperature, and fed her one after a couple of hours, then another when we got to Windsor a couple of hours later. Alas, I am a BAD MOTHER. 🙁 Turns out you’re only allowed to have ’em out of the fridge for two hours, period, until they’re disease-ridden kill-your-baby meals, and only for one hour once the ol’ nipple is violated (we’ve been using them up to two whopping hours after this point). How, then, am I supposed to make it on, say, a five hour trip to anywhere?? Someone on the interwebs suggested bringing bottles of sterilized water and then adding formula as necessary, which is great, except that the same time limits apply to sterilized water, with or without the formula added. So, I just don’t get it. Then again, if Alice has lived this long with all my gaffes, we might as well switch her to diet coke or something. She’s tough. 😛

Below: Sometimes Rob lets me hold his camera!

We have survived not only Alice’s first major growth spurt, but her first major road trip as well! This past weekend had the family loaded into the car and headed down to Windsor. Our main purpose was to provide some love and support to “Aunty Laura,” whose now-ex boyfriend will be singing the “You Don’t Know What You’ve Got ‘Til It’s Gone” song for the rest of his life… but that’s another story for another blog. Mostly. Got me thinking about how Rob will react when Alice is a much older girl and someone breaks his little girl’s heart; it won’t be pretty. Hats off to both Laura’s dad and Rob for not causing anyone any physical injury this weekend!

The road trip itself was fairly smooth sailing. It’s weird to have Alice in her rear-facing car seat in the back and not be able to see her at all. We have to find a few minutes to hang up the mirror that a friend gave us for that purpose, to avoid pulling over and discovering that Alice’s head is leaning 90 degrees to the left or something. (Oops).  The trip is 3 1/2 – 4 hrs, which is just a bit too long for Alice, so we stopped once at a roadstop on the way down to feed and change Alice, and did something similar on the way back. During the second stop, we fed and changed her in the car — mostly. I was in the midst of changing Alice on the driver’s seat of my car when she decided to poop! Proud of my mothering instincts on this one: I grabbed the child (supporting her delicate neck, of course) and swung her into the air — poop land where it may! The seat of the car was spared. Alice was fine. Hurrah!

Anyhow – child is now crying. Love to you all!

Wow… Hard to believe that it’s been three weeks already since Alice was born. Admittedly, the first (almost) week flew by while we were in the hospital. It’s true what everyone says — one ought to enjoy her time in the hospital and treat it almost like a hotel stay, because life gets a bit wompus afterwards! Bringing Alice home was exciting, but a bit of a shock, even though we were expecting that shock. I promptly marched her upstairs to her nursery, swaddled her, and placed her lovingly in her crib to snooze while we unloaded bags and got ourselves settled… except that she didn’t snooze, of course. She screamed. And we (I?) kinda ran around like a headless chicken realizing that (unlike at the hospital) we didn’t have any formula ready, we didn’t know how exactly the cloth diapers worked, and — ack! — we were fully, completely, 100% in charge.

We’re a bit more sorted now. 🙂 We have the diapers all figured out and the formula-making under control (Rob has been AMAZING at keeping on top of this). We’re still 100% in charge, but as we’ve settled into a routine, it’s been getting easier. Mostly. I’m not going to lie — this post-partum stuff has been a bumpy ride. Given my history of bipolar disorder, I was at high-risk for post-partum depression, and I wish I could say that that ship set sail without me. Frustratingly, I had a ticket on the SS Tears Anger Misery. Not to worry — I’ve seen my doctor and asked for a full refund, which we’re working on. Administrative delays, of course. 😉 These things take time.

Generally, however, life is amazing. 🙂 Alice is the most beautiful thing in the world; you’re shocked, I know. I think she’s changing everyday. I know she has gas (baby toots are hilarious! Probably funnier for me than for her, but what can ya do). We took her first hand and foot prints today (thanks, Aunty Laura) and went on our first family walk with the stroller. (Alice loves it – falls asleep easily to the swaying – which is good because I find it has very sensitive steering and drove it over some pretty big rocks on someone’s lawn, hee hee!) We’ve been trying to take supreme care of her, of course, and she’s been accepting us with reasonably good humor. She didn’t LIKE getting shot in the face with formula, for example, but she dealt. She thinks I’m a moron for taking 45 minutes of her screaming to figure out she was cold, but she warmed up quickly enough. As I say – we try our best around here.

Alice and I are bracing ourselves for change, as Rob (World’s Best Husband and Father and General Godsend) is back on the hunt for work. It has been incredible having him at home with us for the first few weeks — I’m so very grateful that things worked out they way they did — and am now looking for and at the bright sides of having him back at bread-winning. It’ll be my turn soon enough, I suppose. Anybody looking for a professional speaker, speaking on mental health and addiction with a side of humor and personality? 😛

Thanks to everyone for their love over the last few weeks. We’re taking it in with open arms, and love you back. Lots. <3!